We all have choices in life. We choose whether to marry or live with another person. We choose where to live even if there are constraints placed upon us as to what we can afford. We choose to make compromises in our relationships, in our décor style and as to what our money is spent upon. We choose our children’s names and all our lives have an impact upon those children who like a sponge absorb all that they see, hear and are encouraged to do. There are however times in our lives when some choices are taken from us, such as death, illness, redundancy and divorce. However, we still have to choose how we will react to such difficult events.
Communication or lack of it is cited as one of the main reasons for marriage breakdown. The old adage – its not what we say but how we say it is so true. This along with the many forms of non-verbal communication can compound issues and therefore learning to communicate effectively can help deal with and bring conclusion to issues and to establish a rapport for future communication. Collaborative Law within the family set up is not only to assist where the marriage or relationship has broken down but can also be used to enable living together agreements and pre-nuptial agreements to be drafted at the start of a couples relationship.
At this present time Collaborative Law is practised mainly within the Family Law process to provide a divorcing couple with an opportunity to resolve their issues without the underlying threat of court proceedings. The voluntary process is initiated when the couple sign a contract known as a ‘participation agreement’ which binds each party to the process and disqualifies their solicitors from representing either one of them in any future litigation involving the issues pertaining to the break up of the relationship.
Each party seeks to reach a mutually agreeable settlement by way of a series of meetings known as four way meetings. This includes both parties and their solicitors and at times other neutral experts. The primary focus of the four way meetings is to identify and progress towards meeting the priorities, needs and interests of all of those involved in the break up of the relationship.
As a Collaborative Law solicitor effective communication is essential to assist the people that we represent in bringing their relationship to an end in an amicable manner. This then has the added effect of rebuilding or re-establishing a different type of relationship to allow communication to continue in to the future for the benefit of the couple and any children and family members.
All pertinent information is freely disclosed and where assistance is required from a neutral expert such as an independent financial advisor then they are paid for jointly. If invited to a four way meeting it gives opportunity for questions to be asked to bring clarity to information provided that may not otherwise be possible within the traditional litigation set up. Even in a litigated divorce both parties must disclose information and questions may be asked. However, the advantage with a four way meeting is that such disclosure can be discussed and a decision reached by agreement, thereby giving the separating couple an element of control over matters. This assists in creating an atmosphere of trust and indeed efficiency that should reduce legal costs.
In choosing to proceed with Collaborative Law the process may take as long or as short a time as the couple feel is necessary to attend to all aspects. Although, there may have been poor communication within the relationship, aggravated by holding on to grievances, poor listening skills, distractions and failure to understand what is being communicated, none of these issues, stopping good communication would be addressed within the traditional route. By each party having their solicitor in attendance so communication can take place to ensure that each person is heard, that there is clarity in what is being said and ensuring that distractions are minimised and that sufficient time is therefore given.
We all have a choice, to listen to one another without interruption and this is part of the solicitors role within the Collaborative Law process; to ensure that there is opportunity for reflection as to what is actually being said. Where advice is required it may be given on a one to one basis between the solicitor and their client or, if appropriate, at the four way meeting. A team approach is essential
Throughout the process individuals who may have been either aggressive or passive throughout their relationship obtain confidence and their self esteem is maintained as compromises are reached allowing benefits and positive outcomes in a difficult situation to be achieved to the satisfaction of the couple themselves. Ultimately the concept of behaving in a courteous manner and in good faith acknowledges the future relationship.
Studies that have been completed to date establish a high effectiveness of the Collaborative Law process with the majority of cases reaching resolution through the process and it is because of this that matters can be settled quicker with less expense and with less trauma and distress. Of course, each case presents a unique set of circumstances and not all separating couples are suited to the process. This would include where there is active domestic violence, drug or alcohol addiction, serious untreated mental illness or where it is evident that it is the intention of one party to emotionally or financially hurt the other party. Clearly in such matters traditional litigation may be more appropriate.
Therefore, either at the commencement of a relationship or at the end of a relationship are options open to couples.
Further information can be found on the Resolution website at www.resolution.org.uk or by contacting Judi Wood our Collaborative Law Trained Solicitor.
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